You know you've been a fan
of Bowie too long......
1)
......when you notice that your CD collection is composed of
songs about diamond dogs, rock stars out to save the world, and
astronauts that get high in space
2) .......when you have seen Labyrinth so many times that you
become poessesed by Jareth at times.
3)......when you use David Bowie as an excuse for not finishing
your homework and your teachers believe you.
4) ......if you are reading this.
5) ......if you can name all of his songs in alphabetical order,
backwards and fowards.
6) ......if you have created a web site devoted to David.
7) ......if you have ever punched a person for saying BOOWIE
instead of BOWIE.
8) .......when people can tell your answering machine/voice mail
by the David Bowie song playing in the background.
9) .......when you can smell a David Bowie album from a mile
away, being drawn into a cd store directly to the Bowie section.
10).......when you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror,
barely recognizing yourself under the bleached hair and makeup,
and then you realize you're just looking at your Bowie poster
again.
11).......when your favorite Stevie Ray Vaughn album is
"Let's Dance" (from UncleD in BowieNet chat)
12).......when you insist on capitalizing his name whenever you
write about him. (from Nadstat in BowieNet chat)
13).......when you think the Laughing Gnome is a fantastic song
(from Nadstat in BowieNet chat)
14).......when you agree to pay an extra $5.95 a month to read
David's web journal (from Mask in BowieNet chat)
15).......if you have memorized all the titles of David Bowie
cd's in your collection (which would be all of them) by making up
poems like this:
If Ziggy Stardust becomes an Earthling, he could be a Hero.
Outside, it could be Hunky Dory but if you make Aladdin Sane he
may, become a Young American and hit a Low getting from
StationToStation. Absorbing the Changes he may become your Lodger
Tonight, or maybe a Scary Monster! (poem from ShivasIrons of
BowieNet chat)
16.......when every occasion calls for a Bowie lyric (from
Coldfry in BNet chat)
17.......when you have the band play Never Let Me down at your
wedding reception followed by Heroes. (Coldfry, again)
18.......when your ISP address is davidbowie.com (Coldfry, once
more)
19.......when you pay $50 at eBay for a Diamond Dogs tag
(Coldfry, when does the girl stop?!)
20.......when you stick pins in an Iman voodoo doll (Twonk from
BNet)
21.......when you have plastic surgery to look like Iman to fool
David for one wonderous night with David. (Mask from BNet)
22.......when you dream of a Bowie Net mouse pad (Spidey from
BNet)
23.......if the police have come over to your house for waking up
the neighbors because of playing Ziggy Stardust too loud (like it
says to do on the cover)
24.......if, when you pick up a guitar, automatically start
playing "Ziggy Stardust."
25.......when you've written your surname as Bowie for so long,
you momentarily forget your real last name when you go to sign a
check. (from Lady Stardust herself!)
26.......when you can use your collection of Bowie stuff as a
down payment on a house. (Coldfyr!)
27.......when the number of Bowie albums in your collection
exceeds the number if teeth in your mouth. (FentonCarverTucker in
BNet)
28.......when you know all the dialogue to The Linguini Incident
(WendyDarling, BNet chat)
29.......if your child is a David Bowie fan, your child and you
end up getting eachother the same things for Christmas, which, of
course, would be David Bowie stuff!
30.......if your child even IS a David Bowie fan!
31.......when you turn on your computer and David Bowie's voice
says "Thank you (insert your name here), you turn me
on!"
32.......if you watch Virgin Soldiers and you pause it at the
exact moment that David Bowie appears in the movie (which, mind
you, he's not there for a very long time!)
33.......if you actually enjoy the chat guests on Bowie Net
34.......if you are mentioned in a David Buckley book (e.g. Aki
and Dara)
35.......if your friends hit you every time you mention his name
(Rebecca)
36.......if you dream about kissing him every night, and you tell
your boyfriend/girlfriend you love David Bowie more than them
because it is true. (Rebecca)
37.......when you lose your luggage from a flight and all you
care about are the three Bowie shirts that were in it. (Terry
Farrell)
38.......when you have to get a
second job to pay for all the junk you purchase on ebay (i.e
diamond dog tags for 50.00.) by NOneil48@aol.com
39......when you agree to sing Wild is the Wond for submission on
BowieNet forgetting that your 43 year old voice is in it's Tin
Machine phase.
40......When you find yourself taping Emm Gryner's ramblings to
pad your already exhaustive trade lists!! last two by
Ulfdub@aol.com
41......When you name a pet something Bowie-related (me, i have
Ziggy the budgie....)
42......When you name your kid something Bowie-related
43......When you start nick-naming your friends something
Bowie-related
44......When you celebrate the anniversary of the release of each
album (i celebrated Dec,17 etc)
45......When you burst into tears on March 20th every year but
then laugh out loud because you 46......remember they got
divorced (ANGIE-BOWIE wedding)
47......You celebrate June 6th 1972, but HATE June 6th 1992 so
you end up smiling and crying and getting angry and confused as
to WHY bowie married IMAN 20years after he released the Ziggy
album...
48......When you know EXACTLY how many days you've been a fan
(535 days today, not a year yet!)
49......When you celebrate your fan-anniversary (Jan 20th :)
50......When Bowie's birthday becomes a national holiday
51......When you celebrate the anniversary of the release of
YOUNG AMERICANS instead of your best friends birthday! (YOUNG
AMERICANS, March 7th)
52......When you try to find some Bowie event that happened on or
near your birthday (Bowie's party raided on Dec 1st 1974 and he
released RUBBER BAND on Dec 2nd in 1966)
53......When you replace the words "GREAT"
"COOL" "WONDERFUL" with "BOWIE".
" (for example: Have a Bowie birthday Anna!" "What
was your holiday like?" "It was BOWIE!!!!!"
etc...)
54......When you have asked someone to punch you in the left eye
55......When you have drawn an Aladdin Sane picture
56......When you have got or BOUGHT an autograph for $70
57......When your friends are all on TeenageWildlife or BNet, you
have none in the material world
58......When you spell his name in your letter-spaghetti (is that
an english thing?)
59......When you try and paint a mental picture of him on the
foam of your coffee or sprinkle sugar on a cake so it spells
Bowie
60......When you feel inclined to jump off a building
61......When you have finished your best friends lipstick, using
it to paint a big-red-Z down your face
62......When you have dyed your dogs hair red hot red
63......When you can relate every day to something to deal with
Bowie
64......When you start BELIEVING that your pupils are different
sizes
65......When you become a doctor to study the medical condition
ANISCORA
66......When you write your Address Station to Station Road
instead of Station Road (that one applies to all who live on
Station Road)
67......When you own a Buddah
68......When you have learned the Japanese part to IT'S NO GAME
69......When you have learned the Mandarin version of SEVEN YEARS
IN TIBET
70......When you have learned the Indonesian DON'T LET ME DOWN
AND DOWN
71......When you take ALL of your Bowie CD's on holiday with you
72......When you take ALL of your Bowie CD's EVERYWHERE with you
incase your house burns down. (41-72 in thanks of Georgi)
74......When you make an extra copy of your David Bowie CD's
using a 4x CD Writer (Hey, that takes a LONG TIME!)
78......You see the letters db in close proximity to each other
and think "Hey!! David Bowie!"
79......Your biology professer mentions the fact that there could
have been life on Mars because of the evidence of water and you
start thinking to yourself, "Take a look at the law man
beating up the wrong guy. Oh man, wonder if he'll ever know, he's
in the best-selling show. Is there life on mars?"
80......You assume TMI stands for Tin Machine I rather than Too
Much Information.
81......Anytime someone mentions Aladdin (as in the Disney movie
or the Arabian folktale) you think, "Ah! Aladdin Sane!"
82......You take notes in meetings (or class, as the case may be
for some of you) in the form of Bowie song parodies.
83......When you meet someone named Jasmine, you start thinking
about "Always Crashing In The Same Car"
84......Your friend says she's hungry and vampires instantly come
to mind.
85......Every Monday morning you say to yourself "It's
Monday... You slither down the greasy pipe so far so good no one
saw you"
86......When you watch a movie with Brando in it "China
Girl" is running through your head the entire time.
87......Every guy you draw ends up looking like Bowie
88......You memorize things by singing to the tune of a Bowie
song
89......You somehow work quotes from his songs into daily
conversation
90......Your boyfriend (or girlfriend for those inclined) holds
your hand and you find yourself thinking "And you're
wonderful..."
91......You walk out on the porch at night and say, "Boy,
that is some serious moonlight."
92......You honestly ponder the meaning of Little Wonder and how
it applies to your life.
93......You can't sleep without a Bowie CD playing softly in the
background (I have this problem!)
94......You see someone with a feathercut and wonder if they're
going for the Ziggy look.
95......Someone tells you that change is good and you go
"Ch-ch-ch-ch..."
96...... You hear "You're a whore!" and you think,
"Falls wanking to the floor..."
97......you're disappointed that Disney's "Beauty and the
Beast" does not have that song.
98......you're listening to the Beatles' "1"
compilation and think "Wow, Lennon sounds like Bowie"
99......New York radio sounds like crap (actually, you don't have
to listen to Bowie to know New York radio sounds like crap)
100.....in the Virgin Megastore, you automatically go toward the
B's, even if you own EVERY SINGLE ALBUM!
101.....you're disappointed that you're professor's name is
really spelled BOOEY.
102.....Whenever anyone you know sees a Bowie article somewhere
they bring it to you, or at least tell you about it
103.....Your friends call you to tell you when Bowie is on the
radio (they really do!)
104.....Your parents have taken to mentioning your Bowie
addiction to everyone they know, so it won't be a shock
105.....Your friends order Bowie things off Ebay for themselves,
but bring them to you to check out first
106.....Your eyes light up when you see "Bowie" in
something you're reading
107.....and it wrecks your day when you notice that 'knife' or
something is part of the equation 108.....and you don't care that
it's got nothing to do with db, you still are pleased (these last
ones from posts on the Teenage Wildlife Message Board)
Do
you have any ideas for this page? Please, email me!
More soon to come!